lemonscribble

2012-03-21

1000drawings:

by AudreyLopata

Your life does depend on it.

God doesn’t need our love. It already has all it needs.

2011-12-18

I got bored. I decided to do something interesting, so I picked a deck and select a random card (after shuffling of course).

It turns out to be this card, specifically I drew the reversed Two of Cups.

Personally I like this card, it’s kinda like The Lovers in Major Arcana but somehow it’s less…explicit?

Ruminating this card it depicts a couples. Each holding a cup, seemingly trading to each other. Cups represents, contents, what’s inside and just like it is used in real life. It holds something and sometimes it pours what inside. So a couple giving each other their own cup here is like a symbol of affection, and yes this card often related to the meaning of romance, affection.

By couple it means a communion of two, and two corresponds with duality.

As I’ve read somewhere there’s a warning to this card. Romance between two is great, but it’s bad thing when it doesn’t make way for the third. And why does this suddenly reminds me of Lacan’s triad of the symbolic, the real, and the imaginary.

I don’t know what’s the meaning of this. I’m just doing something random and talk about the general aspects of this card.

I think I can talk more about Cups and contents since I’m reading this material which coincidentally talks about method of communications and what’s behind the language. An empty gestures, performative language, and in the end about the big Other. But I think it’ll be useless. I should have spend more time doing this assignment instead of doing something random like this =A=

2011-12-16

On Reading Shoujo-ai Mangas

Here’s just a place for rants.

So I have this habit of reading shoujo-ai manga. Pretty normal nowadays but I still can’t get the habit of its “shounen” counterpart (you should get what I mean). My preferences toward this particular genre, should you say subjective or not, but I think it’s not the problem here. You all have your own personal preferences in which I take no care of whatever your preferences is. Whether you like shounen, shounen-ai, shoujo, josei, or even American comics, whether you’re a Catholic, Buddhist, Scientologist, a devout believer of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, I have no objection at all. As long as it doesn’t bothers me by stating that your preference is the best of all.

So back with this subtle feeling when I’m reading shoujo-ai manga. I already rant this on plurk, so I’ll just continue on from where I left there.

Ini cuma fiksi! (It’s just a fiction!)

Well, of course even the dying should have known that most of the things I read, namely mangas, are fiction. And fiction is a fiction, it’s a make up. In this case it’s a make up of a drama about love between young girls. As we know that drama often take place in our so-familiar plane of surroundings, but it’s not entirely correct since most of the mangas takes a Japan-based settings or even real life city of Japan. And I’m nowhere close of ever experiencing it, so I put a line that it doesn’t take place in a world where I can bend elements, or ninjas are so cool that they can bend elements too. It takes place in en environment that is so familiar in general like school, sidewalks, offices, shopping area or district, and yes should I’m talking about drama in general is a yes. I’m going nowhere here.

Pretty much a philosophical breakthrough here for realizing a fiction in a fiction. Congratulations! No.

What I’m talking here is, continuing from my rant, is that when I first read such story (or any story in general) I should know with all my sanity and consciousness that this story is a fiction, a make up. Then I begin to turn the page as I read through the panels, each balloons, every narration lines, perceiving any gestures the characters made, the expressions they’ve made, with all my sanity from the first I’ve began reading I would admit that sometimes I get so absorbed with the story that I “blend” with the whole experience happening in the story. Such as when Fuuka is rejected by Riri and then Riri told the real reason why she doesn’t want to accept Fuuka for now to Itta. I know this should be considered an infantile feelings every fujos, otakus, usually felt when reading or watching their respective series.

So about this slap to the reality from the fiction. Recalling my assignment of reading Zizek’s introductory writings on Lacan. The part where it states that in contemporary art, focusing on fiction and play, there sometimes a brutal attempts to bring those who watches it back to reality. That the play is an act, a fiction, a make up. But question arises when this fiction is not a sweet dream.

I’m trying too hard on emphasizing the sentence, “It’s just a fiction!” upon getting a slap after reading the manga where I felt that this fiction which is absorbing and familiar yet it is also so artificial and with all the absorption I also felt that I’m absorbed into the fiction. What about this subtle feeling I talk about? About the feeling that such mangas are often so plastic. Yet in the plasticness I also felt this blending environment. The problem is that, I’m already absorbed in the plasticness outside the fiction and that the real is already so plastic. Back then in 2009, in early days of my philosophy course I’ve written in my no-longer-available Facebook Notes that, “I am the artificial human. (Akulah manusia artifisial)”. To rephrase it with my today’s term is that maybe, just maybe, that the fantasy, as in Zizek introductory on Lacan, already overwhelms me. The me that read too much fictions. The real is already so plastic, so that I can relate easily to the plastic as if they’re real.

So what is really my point on ranting here?! I’m going nowhere and just writing shits. The plasticity oh the homosexual relation ever depicted that they’re often made up, a common setting in many shoujo-ai mangas is girl dormitory which relates with all-girl school. So that in such homogeneous environment one girl, the character, are often made up by the author that she doesn’t have any choice but to fall in love with girls. Of course here we can say that world is not limited by the school fences. I recall a scene in Morishima Akiko’s Hanjuku Joshi where one of the protagonist’s senior, which in the end ends up with her teacher a female of course since it’s a yuri manga, jumps out the school fence to hook up with a guy not to mention she ends up having a casual sex with this only-once-mentioned guy.

I’m not talking about the general aspects, and to criticizes it, of shoujo-ai manga here. I haven’t read that much. I’m trying to go back to the plastic thingy I often felt. It’s mainly, or even mostly if not purely, aesthetics.

Maybe I should just stop here. If you ever read up to this point, then here’s the final words. “I found out that the construction of most shoujo-ai are far more plastic than any fiction mangas that emphasizes in the romance. Yet in that plasticity I also find blends, where sometimes there’s a slap back to reality.” That plasticity is signaled by this subtle feelings when reading it, and by reading it I mean is to dig through each panels, dialogue balloon, narration boxes, gestures, expressions, as in any comics or mangas. Not just merely read through the pages and finds blends with the story and characters, you may said I’m exaggerating and I suppose so. Upon reading my first homosexual novel which is Haruki Murakami’s Sputnik Sweetheart, in the lesbian sex scene there’s the different feel than reading a manga. There’s no subtle feeling.

2011-12-12

It’s just me.

I feel bad if I have to (once again) quote Sartre to describes my feelings. Maybe I’m just over exaggerating things. It’s a mere feeling of subjectivity yet what I recall is his lecture. Subjectivity is not to be understood as a form of relativism. Instead to be understood as the impassibility of going beyond our selfness. It is indeed not the exact quotation, but I do perceive it that way. Here is my narration, you’re free to ignore it, doubt it is an even better choice.

So this exaggerating of feeling subjective. Yes, there’s a subtext which I don’t clearly state here (hence the name subtext). So let me exaggerate a bit by using Sartre (again. I’m quite fond of mentioning him here eh?).

2011-11-25

thereisnogod:

::gets tissue::

Source: sweethetalia12

2011-10-15

monologuemonster:

Dari mana asalnya sebuah kata cilukba?

Let us apply Derrida’s dissemination to this philosophical question!

Source: monologuemonster

2011-10-08

fuckyeahmahasiswa:

Pilih yang mana?

dari arnisadhasna

Biasanya justru dapat nilai enak sama dosen yang ngajarnya enak sih.. *uhuk*

Source: fuckyeahmahasiswa

2011-04-25

Apparently I have nothing to say

So, today I’ve had another lecture about Sartre. Yes, that Sartre. Don’t expect I’m going to be thorough about him just expect a random ramblings of some random person studying philosophy. And so it’s about Sartre:

Apparently I have nothing to say.

So about Sartre, I have to write something.

2011-04-24

Perfection

Perhaps this world was never meant for those trying to live in a ‘no regret’ fashion. Or maybe I’m just over simplicating. The point is, when I realize I’m trying not to regret every single decision I’ve made I ended up alone. Alone with my decision, thus I’m free. I am free. I’m free of any responsibilites to other persons, I’m free of my own free will.

Then from what I can derive from some lectures regarding Sartre. There’s this fashion of living a life free of regret, living a life with no regret. Free of own decision but you’ll ended up alone, you’ll ended up as nothing. In nothingness you are free.

Back to the point where I start this passage with. Perhaps this world was never meant for those trying to live in a ‘no regret’ fashion. For you can’t escape regret, you’ll regret your decision for living a life free of regret. You’ll find out that you are alone with gaping hollow of nothingness while the ataraxia of living a life free of regret makes you feels contented. Oh, the paradox! You have this gaping hole yet you are feeling contented. Perhaps we are perfected in our imperfection or should we say we are imperfected in our perfection?